I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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