Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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