My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
