I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
