when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
