2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
