Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
