i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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