can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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