Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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