it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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