We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
