Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
