Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
