Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
