I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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