Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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