I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
