worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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