it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
