xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
