you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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