can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
