yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
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ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
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She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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