I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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