VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
