I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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