Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
birth control should be required to get into college
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize