Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
