fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
