i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
