she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
