All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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