Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if only i could text you this smell
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
