none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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