No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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