somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I understand Curling. That high.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
