I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
