Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
