it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
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Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
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she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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