she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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