My friends, they love my intelligence
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
