just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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