Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
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A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.