you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
