ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!