i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.