i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
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I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
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I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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