Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.