i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
