I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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