When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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