I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
