On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Fuck appropriateness.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
