I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
