My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
