NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
