I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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