Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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