I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
