I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
