If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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