how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
