it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
