and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
